Keeping Kids Quiet?
by Elizabeth Scarlett
Dear Elizabeth,
My husband and I have a poly relationship; he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. We also have a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old. I really want to be open and honest with them as it becomes appropriate for them to learn that mommy's and daddy's "friends" are really something more. My 5-year-old is pretty savvy and already asking questions regarding who daddy and I love, and if it's okay to have boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.
However, our biggest challenge is that they're little blabbermouths and we most definitely don't want our vanilla friends and associates to have even the vaguest hint that we're not like every other supposedly monogamous couple they know.
–Monique from Mars
Dear Monique,
When my daughter gets to be your daughter's age, I'm fairly certain all of our family and "vanilla" friends are going to be well aware of our situation and we are prepared for that. Our general stance is to not go out of our way to tell everyone, but definitely answer questions honestly.
Seriously, it's going to be difficult to keep your daughter from sharing. She's smart enough to know what's going on but not mature enough to understand why it might need to be kept quiet...and may end up seriously confused as to why you are unhappy when she tells someone else about it. Polyrelationships are hard enough for adults to understand and manage!
It might not be a bad idea to prepare for some very uncomfortable questions from friends and family...and just plan to come fully out into the open. I think the only other alternative is to keep your partners completely separate from your children...but, do you really want to do that?